For Goodness Sake!

I have already failed! The day after I started back on the healthy thing, I got a cold. The sort that makes you feel a bit crap. Carried on eating healthily for two days (including juicing all kinds of fruit and veg) and then thought, oh well, I can't exercise so I might as well eat some nice things now, and then get back on it when I'm feeling better. And of course, that scan thing is tomorrow, and I'm thinking I'll be more focused after tomorrow. But that's probably not true, as once they've ruled out kidneys, liver, gall bladder, etc. etc (assuming they do) I'll be worrying that it's my lungs instead. Or my stomach, or something. That's how bad I can be. But the point is, why do I make these excuses to put off the things I should do, when that's exactly what they are - excuses? I've always worked better and been more productive with a deadline hanging over my head. And that isn't relevant when it comes to eating heathily, or at least, not in the same way.

I have only fallen off the wagon in as much as I have eaten several large handfuls of peanuts, but still, I know what wicked plans I have in my head for this evening. I will try not to fall off completely. It's not just a weight thing. In fact, it's not the weight thing that niggles away and worries me. It's the health thing. Now, that's crazy. You would think someone like me would ensure that never a bad thing entered my digestive system. But no. Although compared to most people I do eat well. Maybe I'm being OC about this. After all, there are so many terribly obese people out there who seem relatively healthy - who don't succumb to life-threatening diseases. Trouble is, I also know of so many previously heathy and fit people who have. You can go on rationalising one way or the other. It doesn't do any good. Wouldn't it be great if we could switch our thoughts off for a while!

Frankie, if you read this, good luck with your mammogram (and thinks for your good wishes). I've never had a mammogram, so I don't know what it's like. But aren't we lucky that there is a whole network of people taking care of us?

I will try not to sound so depressing next time! Just so you know, I am very happy. I'm not depressed at all, just neurotic!!

Here We Go Again

I know, it's been ages since I posted here, and in truth, it's been ages since I made any kind of effort at eating healthily, or exercising. Don't get me wrong, I still cook fresh every day, but I have also been eating complete rubbish in the evenings (dime bars, cream eggs, loads of peanuts etc). I have had an unidentified health problem since October and the worry of it (I'm an out-of-control hypochondriac, remember) has meant I can focus on little else. Ridiculous. I think if I knew what was causing the pains I have, the worry wouldn't be so bad. It's the unknown. Anyway, I'm going for scan on Tuesday so that should either show something or rule a few areas out.

Worry or not, I feel crap due to all the rubbishy extra snacks and need to buck my ideas up. I now weigh 8st 9 and my fat % is 29. It's true. How can I get fat so quickly? Mind you, if you work hard at doing the right things, it can come off quickly, too.

So I'm checking in today to give myself a kick. Maybe I should post once a week, instead of feeling a failure at not posting every day and then giving up entirely. Yes, that a good idea. Post once a week, unless I have more time.

So, see you when I'm thinner. I hope (well, I did use 420 cals working out today).

Better go and stir my curried lentils - I always burn them